Tales of a Pilgrimage
by PsychoticCheezeEatingSpazoid
Summary: Too hot for PS2! The untold stories of what went on during the Yuna’s pilgrimage. The true nature of the characters and their relationships are exposed through their own thoughts. **Ch4: The first time we Met: Rikku spills the beans
1. The First Moment We Met: Tidus Remembers

Tales of the Pilgrimage

The first moment we met.

Ch1. Tidus' POV. 

Rikku 

I was alone in these old ruin things when we first met. She was in this tight orange body suit… she's hot for a kid. She kept babbling on in some language and I was like "What? I'm sexy?" and she got mad and kneed me in the balls. I was only joking… well, not really but… Anyway,  her little friends threw me around like a mangled beanie baby before finally holding a gun to my head. They were talking nonsense and said "fiend" somewhere in there. How would they know how good I am in bed? Anyway… she said something and then came over to me. She got really close.. I could feel her boobs and everything. Then she hit me hard again after saying something and I fell unconscious. It sounded like cun… well, something else. Anyway, I don't know what happened when I was unconscious. I hoped she did something indecent to me while I was out of it…. When I woke up, I found myself on the cold deck of some ship. Eventually, all the freaks in goggles came out, and so did she. They yelled at me as if I understood, so finally she came and said that I'd be able to stay and eat if I offered my services. I said I'd gladly be her sex slave and she almost hit me again. Turns out they meant do some work. Ugh… well to make a long story short, we got to go into the ocean and did some stuff and I got to swim and follow her. I got a nice view of her ass… we got back, and then Sin came and I thought DAMMIT! Why is he trying to prevent me from getting laid? Jealous of my hot bod. Always hating, man…

Wakka

I woke up in an ocean and got pegged in the head with a blitzball. I did something cool and impressed the guys on the beach. I swam over and they asked if I could do it again… and again, and again. They were all so happy like entertained gophers jumping up and down. So simple, really.

Lulu

 I remember when I ended up going through the … thingie. What's it called again? That trial stuff. And Wakka found me. He wasn't very happy, but whatever. He's always hating on me, anyway. Jealous of my mad skillz. Yeah, so we get to the place where that person was supposed to be doing something special. Or something like that. Right… yeah, so he warned be about this one chick that was really grumpy. And he was right. She wasn't happy to see me, either. And she got even angrier when I poked her. I was just curious! If they were real, she wouldn't have gotten so pissed. Oh, so yeah… that girl came out of a whole in the wall. She like… almost fell. I laughed and asked if she was smoking something, and then Lulu whipped me with one of her belts. I told her to do it again and she mumbled something I didn't understand and walked away. God, she's so _stu_-pid. 

Yuna and Kimari:

So later on that night, I got to talk to Yuna. Her furry guardian was there. He wouldn't let me get to close, so I turned around and pointed yelling "Chocobo" and that Ronso was off like a hamster chasing a rice ball. So I went over to Yuna and we talked. I noticed her eyes were 2 different colors. I was like "no way!" and I reached out to poke one when Ronso came back and knocked me out. Jeeze, what's his damage? I only wanted to poke her eye. I mean _really_. He's just so _stu_-pid. Damn animal….

So, that's how I ended up here. STILL havn't gotten laid. O well. 

~Tidus.


	2. The First Moment We Met: Wakka, ya?

Tales of the Pilgrimage

The first moment we met.

Ch.2 Wakka's POV

Lulu

The first time I met Lu was way back when. I was about eight, ya? And Chappu came over to me and said "hey, there's a pretty girl by the temple", so I went over to look, and saw her. I was like "she seems kind of evil, no?" and he said "ya."

So we went outside to talk to her, ya? And she gave us this evil glare. I said "hi" and she said "burn in the fires of Sin" and then cast some fire spell on us. It was some scary shit, ya? I was scared for my life, so I threw Chappu at her to save myself. She pitied him, though, and then threatened to burn off my balls if I ever tried anything like that again. Then she got some twisted idea that it'd be fun to torment me and make me her personal slave. She made me do some weird shit, ya? Like once she made me hang upside down from the temple door and say that I was a bat to people. She also used to make me crawl around on all fours like a dog, and she even had a leash on me. I'm always reminded of that because that leash is now a part of her dress, ya? Although now when she takes it out, it's not such a bad thing… but that's another story, ya? Anyway… she was one crazy little bitch. And she still is, ya?

Yuna

I first met Yuna when I was 15. It was right after Lord Braska had defeated Sin and she came to live at our temple, ya? She was seven or so. She was really quiet and kind of weird. She liked to talk to herself, ya? And she liked to braid things. Anything… she would always braid Lulu's hair, and her hair, and my hair… and then she'd braid the palm tree leaves, ya? And the dog's fur, too. And once, I fell asleep on the beach and when I woke up to practice blitz, she had braided my sleeves together, and my shoelaces and the frays on my ripped jeans… I couldn't move, you know? And then the tide came in and I couldn't swim so I had to float in the bay for three and a half hours before Lu found me and pulled me back in. It was strange. Ever since then, I made sure that the blitz uniforms weren't braid-able, ya? She sometimes lapsed back into the habit when she was really bored, ya? Those braids in Kimari's hair? She did them so tight (she was mad at me for eating her spicy Chocobo wings from T.Y.I.F((Thank Yevon It's Friday))) that he was forced to keep them for all eternity. She was liked that for five years.

Kimari

Kimari came with Yuna. She was all curled up in a little ball and sad because Lord Braska died, so he took her here. Everyone on Besaid was scared, but she wasn't, cuz she was weird like that, ya? Once he warmed up to us all, it wasn't so bad. He was a lot of fun to play with. He didn't speak our language well, so we had to teach it to him. It was funny, ya?  Well, I guess at this point, I realized we all had weird habits, and his was trying to do things that he couldn't do. Like… when we took trips to the mountains where it's cold, he'd try to climb up ice-coated hills and he'd slide back down. And then he'd climb up again. And slide down again. And climb and slide… it was like a never-ending cycle, ya? And whenever he got emotional, he'd start rolling. Ya, _rolling_. Like… throwing himself on the ground and _rolling_. He was really good at it, too. He could roll in, on, and around anything. He rolled up the steps to the temple once. Ya, rolled _up_ the _steps_ to the _temple_. I used to call him Rolling Ronso, ya? He didn't like that and then he'd get mad and… roll…

Tidus

Oh, Tidus. I was playing blitz with the guys, ya? And the one guy hit the ball really hard and it flew out to sea, ya? He pegged something in the head. We were like "whoa, did you see that, ya?" And then the one other guy said "Oh, what was that, eh?" and I said "I think it was a dolphin, you know?" and … the other one said "Noooo, since when have dolphins had blonde hair, eh?" so the first guy said "didn't Lulu tell you about the new ocean-charity hair barber guy, huh?" and I said "Ya, but I thought se was jokin', ya?" And we were all like "Oooooooooooooooooo." So anyway, the dolphin hit the ball back, and the second one other guy said "Hey, man, that's no dolphin, ya?" It was a kid! He swam over and we were like "whoa, that was cool, ya?" and we asked him to do it again, and he did. He was so happy to hit the ball around! It was so neat, ya? I wanted to keep him, so I took him back to town. He was telling me these stories about being from Zanarkand. I think it's a bit loopy, ya? But he's so cute. We went into the temple to for a bit and he ran into the trials. Lu wasn't to happy, but I begged her to let me keep him, ya?. Then he poked her in the chest. It was so cute, ya? I'm so happy! My very own little human kid, ya? He reminded me of Chappu when he was young and stupid. I like him.

~Wakka


	3. The First Moment We Met: Lulu's Memories

_**disclaimer** I own your soul and nothing else. … Just kidding. XD **Please check out the author's note at the end of this chapter for some crucial information regarding the cure of unwanted facial hairs! Or this fic. Which ever. XD_

Tales of a Pilgrimage. 

The first moment we met

Ch. 3: Lulu's POV

Aside from traveling around when I was younger as a guardian, I spent most of my years here on Besaid training to be the ultimate black mage in all of Spira. Don't think too much into it. World domination through sex appeal isn't at the top of my to do list…

Wakka

Being a young girl of high class and standards, I didn't mingle much with the common folk. Their twisted simple life and manner of speech really got to me (if I got a belt for every time I heard "ya", I'd have at least forty or fifty new dresses. Hidden garters included.) One day, by some strange flaw of the heavens, I was sitting on the Temple steps when these two redheaded prepubescent infidels were watching me from afar. I tried to ignore them, but it was hard. They would creep up a few feet and when I showed the slightest sign of noticing them, they would stop in their tracks, throw themselves on the ground, and start picking at the grass… as if that was something _normal_ people would do, and thus they shouldn't be thought of as suspicious in any way, shape, or form. My annoyance finally reached its limit and I shouted at them. "What the HELL do you undersized apes think you're doing!?" The taller one responded with "Hi". This, of course, was unacceptable, and so I got angry and set his pants on fire. In a panicked display of frenzy, the boy ran around aimlessly for a few moments, hollering utter nonsense while doing so. I started to pity the poor creature, so I decided to put out the flame with a water spell. But, not knowing any better, he took this as an attempt to end his short-lived existence and chucked his unsuspecting younger brother at me and tried to escape. I chased him down, tackled him to the ground, and threatened to fry his manhood should he ever do something that incompetent again. And thus began the long and somewhat odd companionship of Wakka, Chappu, and myself. 

Yuna: 

I, for one, always adored her. She was so wide eyed and frightened of the world, and it filled a deep plot hole in my gothic Lolita soul to be able to protected such a fragile creature.  However strange she may have been. I used to take her to the beach sometimes when Wakka, Chappu, and the others would practice their infernal game. She loved the beach. It was her favorite place to partake in her favorite pastime (aside from braiding) which was mocking whatever she saw. I mean everything and anything. She'd try to go under the water and hold her breath like the blitzers, and when I pulled her up she'd rant about how I was interfering with her fulfillment of a greater purpose. Something about the Grand Chocobo or… some nonsense like that. Speaking of which, once she covered herself in honey and rolled around the Chocobo barn until she was covered in feathers. She then preceded to 

Rikku: needs Ritalin.

Tidus:

When I fist saw him… I didn't know what to say. It was in the temple… all I could think was "Why the hell did Wakka bring this damn Barbie wannabe in here? Of all places!" I wanted to shove my foot up his ass right then and there, but… that would make a bad impression on the little intruder. If anything, he had to see me for the sexy bondage queen of fur and belts that I am.  And I think it succeed because just moments after I scolded them both, he came up to me, poked my breasts and inquired about their authenticity. I was very offended so I smacked him away. Wakka thought this was adorable, and he laughed. He even clapped and cheered the little mongrel on like some sort of pet. And he wonders why he didn't make a good first impression on me. Well, as expected with the most recent final fantasy games, Yuna took a liking to him and so I was forced to pretend to like him as well. Things got better as time went on, though. Wakka trained him well enough. I'd give him a cookie every time he did a good job in battle and it kept him out of my hair. So, he's tolerable.

Auron: is almost as sexy as I am. Almost.

And so concludes this chapter as I sit here on this shoopuff… shoefluff… arg, this smelly overgrown elephant with fins. Adeu.

~Lulu

-Hey guys. Sorry it took so long to update! Midterms. Whoosh. I'd like to thank all you who reviewed. And some of you that put this story on your favorites: thanks so much! I didn't expect this much feedback. Hehe. Well…anyway, some things I want to throw at you guys: I definitely want to continue this story, but I'm not sure what events to portray after I get done with the first meetings and such. Any ideas and/or questions you guys have, just throw them at me! I will take it! WAH! Anywho, this promises to be pretty long chapter wise, but they're short, so… yeah.

_-I'd like to apologize for the MAJOR inaccuracies I have with some of the story background, mainly with Yuna and Kimari. That's also on my list to be edited (I was only about 15 hours into the game when I wrote this, so… hehe)._

**_Talligo_**_: yeah, you're right. The formatting does suck. After this chapter, I'm going back and doing some editing. (If you guys notice any errors, tell me. Don't be afraid to nit-pick! I like nit picking!) Thanks for the suggestion!_

**_Satanic Mechanic_**_: here's your 3rd chapter, so please leave my innards alone. XD_

**_Timeless Enigma, Von_**_: I hope that I can keep you guys satisfied with the other characters! _

_Thanks again to everyone. Now… you see that pretty button down there? Yeah, the one that says "go". Something magical happens when you click it… ::big smile::_


	4. The First Moment We Met: RikkuRikkuRikku...

**Disclaimer** I own Bob. :) As always, the author's note is down there waiting to be read. XD Enjoy.

Tales of a Pilgrimage. 

The First Moment we Met

Ch. 4: Rikku's POV

Tidus

So one day me and my homies were hanging out at the ruins for no good apparent reason when we heard all this noise coming out of the main hall, so we decided to go and check it out and we wanted to make a good entrance so we used grenades and BLASTED the door down which was REALLY cool, even if the door was already open but that's besides the point, and when we got in there, we saw some kid and he was fighting this annoying water bug thing, although he looked like he was having some trouble so I decided to help and joined in by using my awesome weapons of DOOM that go BOOM and he was really impressed and stuff so we fought and eventually beat that thing but he got too excited and started humping my leg so I had to get the other guys to kick him around a little bit and grab him before he did something even more demented, but then he just thought I was hitting on him and said something about being sexy, and I thought "no, I'M sexy," and that's when I realized that he already did embarrass himself to no end so I kicked him in the nuts and knocked him out and told the guys to bring him back to the ship so we could figure out what to do with him. ::deep breath::

So we got back to the ship and when he woke up, the guys started beating him up again so I had to tell them that they were getting a little too slap happy and they said he was a useless bag of hormones, but then the one blonde guy with green eyes said that maybe we could use him in our misadventure so I told them that it was a good idea and then I told him about it and he agreed but was disappointed that I wasn't going to do him and was even more upset when I offered my brother to him, but anyway, I had to explain to him what we were going to do so we went down into the water and checked out the ruins and started them up and then we went back to the ship and I was tired and hungry so I went in to eat and forgot he was there, but then I remembered and felt bad so a took some leftovers and made a tray of food to bring to him, and when I did, he chugged it down like a fat man in China Buffet and almost killed himself until I gave him some water, and he was so grateful that he told me his whole life story which was a load of crap but I still pitied him and thought "hey, he's ALMOST as cute as me, so maybe he ain't so bad," but then Sin came and took him away. 

Sad, huh?

Lulu, Wakka, Auron and Kimari:

::twirls hair:: Well, I was talking to one of my many brothers, but I forget his name, you know, the blonde one with green eyes, and he said he knew where Yunie was and that maybe we could save her from certain DEATH so we went an another amphibious adventure to get her which happened to be under some giant lake where she was riding a Shoopuff, and then I told the head mission guy "hey! I know my cousin well so if you put something shiny or braidable and let it float on the surface, she'll act on impulse and try to get grab it", so the guy cut off some of my hair which was NOT COOL and shoved it out of the ship thing and sure enough, a few moments later we saw Yunie's head popping out from on top of the swimming beast and we caused a commotion and grabbed her, but then this one island dweller looking guy and that Tidus kid, you know, the blonde one with the blue eyes, jumped in and attacked us and won somehow so they took Yuna back and then our ship blew up and I got pissed so I swam out of there like a bat out of hell and got to the shore and that's when I saw Tidus again, so I took off my wetsuit, and he was watching me strip and stuff as if I was NAKED, and he was all like "dude, it's Rikku!" and I was like "dude, it's Tidus!" and then Lulu, Wakka, Auron and Kimari all looked at me like I was some freak lake monster and so I went to talk to Lulu and Yuna and Tidus tried to get in on the action, so I had tell him it was "a girl thing" which made him want to go even more, but then Wakka was like "down boy" and he healed like a good little blondie, so I was able to talk to them, and then I decided the best way to infiltrate their plans would be to become a guardian, so we announced my arrival as Yunie's new Guardie and everyone was happy except Auron who made me show him my eyes, and he was like "thought so" and I was thinking "omg, this guy is HATING on my green eyes," but whatever, so that was that. 

Hey! ::pokes you:: why are you asleep, huh!?

~Rikku

**Closing Credit Convo**

Wow. You all rule. As always, you are what makes my world go round. Seriously.  So, the excuse this time for not updating too quickly is that my computer crashed. No, really. I know that's the "dog ate my homework" of fanfiction, but I really mean it. Ask SatanicMechanic. She knows. Oh, how she knows. XD Anyway, thanks again for all your reviews. I went back and edited the stuff for the first two chapters that was deranged. And now, I must go back and fix the Yuna part of the last chapter that was cut off. That's the second time that's happened... Oh, have any of you guys notice how my chapters are screwed up? Like... it says I have two chapters in the review thing AND when you find the story on a list... but I have three. Fools. Anyway... I'll try to fix that. XD So, on to my notes...

**To the Reviewers** (I wonder if any of you actually read these...lol)

**Absolut Emai**: You are a god and I love you. ::bows::

**zero-hour**: I'm glad you find it humorous. I accomplished that, and thus, it is successful. 

**FallenStardust**: I've done that on occasion. It's quite amusing to watch everyone else's reactions when you're reading a funny fic. I cracked up in the middle of History once... it was a unique experience. XD

**Sakura**: Hey, another one. We should start a "I read fanfiction in school and scare people" club. WoOt!

**Tidus/InuyashaLover**: Aw man, I would've loved to see what you'd say! Next time. Get some rest and eat a good breakfast before reviewing, k? XD Lol, j/k.

**Satanic Mechanic**: "Quisty, hit the birdie!"

**Angel of the Faith**: I'm gonna start tallying how many of you guys freak out your fellow humans for laughing. BUAAHAHHAHAHAH! Anywho, I love a story that makes me laugh too. Thanks again!

**Von**: Yeah, stupid website. I'll fix that. Grah. But I digress. Anyway, glad you still like this.

**Rage Aomori**: ::pat pat:: Maybe you and Rikku should get counseling together... hehe. Just kidding. I take it you like this story. Thanks a million!

**Final Words**

Thank you again. I cannot stress that enough. It's really great of you guys to review my stuff. XD Thank you, thank you, thank you! I'll update soon. Promise!


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